2010 ramble

it's 2010, a whole new year and a whole new decade.
and i feel a very strong surge of change rumbling inside.
maybe because it's a new decade too, i feel like i need to refresh
my outlook toward my works and art - something i can see further out with.

i hope to make a step toward a more introspective
and truer intake and outlet this year and on - be less afraid,
be more bold, be able to turn a deaf ear (sometimes... or most of the time?)
to what others say, and just be myself.

moreover, be able to teach my hand to see exactly what my mind does.
and be able to make my mind see better.

these are things i've striven for in the past couple years,
but have struck me with more lucidity than ever now.
especially reflecting on 2009, and just how much fun i had
doing my july solo show at thinkspace,
most importantly because i did whatever i wanted to do.

it's hard to admit, but sometimes it's really hard for me,
as a full-time artist, to walk the fine line of balance
between works that you fully stand behind and to keep
an ear open for what people want/expect from you.
and when galleries depend on your solo show to make their
monthly rent and bills, the burden can mess with your mind
in the creative process too - never in a good way.

i definitely don't do this to become a millionaire or for fame,
i really don't care if i sell out shows or not - i'm surprised
that people come to my shows at all.
so grateful for it all.
(maybe i shouldn't be saying this stuff out loud).

i'm sure there will be a lot of letdowns to people who've
been supportive of my older works, as is always the case
with change... but hopefully i will be able to create
and produce something i myself can look back with fondness
and self-respect.

so there was my ramble that will set me out for the year.
maybe i'll have to delete this post later on, after all. :)