Friday, January 08, 2010

2010 ramble

it's 2010, a whole new year and a whole new decade.
and i feel a very strong surge of change rumbling inside.
maybe because it's a new decade too, i feel like i need to refresh
my outlook toward my works and art - something i can see further out with.

i hope to make a step toward a more introspective
and truer intake and outlet this year and on - be less afraid,
be more bold, be able to turn a deaf ear (sometimes... or most of the time?)
to what others say, and just be myself.

moreover, be able to teach my hand to see exactly what my mind does.
and be able to make my mind see better.

these are things i've striven for in the past couple years,
but have struck me with more lucidity than ever now.
especially reflecting on 2009, and just how much fun i had
doing my july solo show at thinkspace,
most importantly because i did whatever i wanted to do.

it's hard to admit, but sometimes it's really hard for me,
as a full-time artist, to walk the fine line of balance
between works that you fully stand behind and to keep
an ear open for what people want/expect from you.
and when galleries depend on your solo show to make their
monthly rent and bills, the burden can mess with your mind
in the creative process too - never in a good way.

i definitely don't do this to become a millionaire or for fame,
i really don't care if i sell out shows or not - i'm surprised
that people come to my shows at all.
so grateful for it all.
(maybe i shouldn't be saying this stuff out loud).

i'm sure there will be a lot of letdowns to people who've
been supportive of my older works, as is always the case
with change... but hopefully i will be able to create
and produce something i myself can look back with fondness
and self-respect.

so there was my ramble that will set me out for the year.
maybe i'll have to delete this post later on, after all. :)

5 comments:

  1. hi Stella, have been following you since a few months ago. so grateful you wrote this, it showed the real dimension of your artist self... i'm an artist myself, not as big as you are, still struggling and learning, but i perfectly understand your dilemmas and the struggle to keep a balance between "soul" and what is commercially expected from you right now... i'd say you shouldn't become stiffled, don't be afraid: it's your evolution as an artist manifesting. maybe you could start expressing your new ideas bit by bit, introducing it to your public gradually... art is larger than everything and what really comes from the heart will have no trouble creating bridges and captivating others. i'm sure you'll do great. good luck, dear one.

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  2. thank you so much for your kind thoughts.
    even when i "know" that i shouldn't feel stifled or bogged down by what may be expected (like when galleries book me, etc), i think i subconsciously may tie myself down to some obligatory things, unfortunately.
    this year, i hope to try to rid myself of that, and freeing myself to create whatever is on my mind.
    thanks so much and best to you,
    stella

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  3. Hi Stella, what a lovely post. Thanks so much for sharing your self this way.
    How about you don't think of it as change, but rather- evolving? I look forward to seeing your new evolutions this year. :)

    ♥ Manda
    p.s- I just discovered you this morning through Audrey Kawasaki's blog roll. Glad I did, this is a great blog!

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  4. hi stella,
    i've been following you for a couple of years now and was an immediate fan. i appreciate the introspective post and am looking forward to the "change" you mention — it's the only constant!
    your work is beautiful and truly inspirational.
    -april ordonez

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  5. Stella, as an artist myself I read this and am glad too, that you wrote it. I recently started my own artist blog and sometimes 're-think' what I should and shouldnt be typing. I always need to remind myself that I need to be the strong and brave one and say what I think. I think that its all an important part of the process for artists... even well-known artist as your self. Its like most artist strive to be where you are but dont fully understand what they could be getting themselves into. And if you at the top, who is there really to turn to and ask for direction. The best way is to vent, get feedback, and keep moving forward! You are talented, and even the most talented are allowed brain farts!! he he ^.^ Best of Luck.
    C.Dogg

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